I breath. And I keep breating. Then the realization kicks in. I will be thousands of miles away in less than 2 weeks. Alone, but I'll be there. It'll be a great time, a great adventure. But I am scared. So far from everyone I know. Everything I love. Yet I feel proud. Proud that I can do this. Nothing is in the way, except for receiving my passort, which is finally officially in the mail. So I take another deep breath and I feel a little better. The days are very long now. It feels like every day last another lifetime. I know the normal days that lay ahead. Go to work, go home, go to work, go home, go to work, go home, go to work, go home, go to work, go home, stay home, visit parents, repeat. I feel a comfort knowing that every week is the same, I seem to prefer it that way, I seem to thrive on repetition and structure. Now, in less that two weeks, I don't know what to expect. Where will I be exactly? What will I be doing exactly? Will I be myself or another person? Is this adverture worth taking? I take solice in the fact that I CAN answer the last of these questions. Of course it will be worth it. It's the other questions that scare me more and more as they trail back. I know I will be me, that's the only person I can be. But will anything be different about me. I've tried to make a vow to myself that I will be a little different. I cannot be afraid to be open, experience a new way of living and interaction with others. I will not be afraid to communicate even if I might only know someone for a few minutes. I will not fear. People have asked me why I've wanted to go and I have the usual answer, because I've always wanted to go. but maybe there is more to it. When I think about it, I want to go to prove to myself that I can. And each night, I sleep a little lighter and sleep a little heavier that my departure day is arriving. This is mostly a ramblings of a slightly drunked adventurer. When I think of it, the most I feel i excited. I wish the day was tomorrow, and not just any tomorrow, but the day I can begin this adventure, and experience something I have never experienced before. What will tomorrow bring? I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Until then, I will keep preparing. I only have 10 days left. And I have a funny feeling that it'll be over before I knew what hit me. But I also feel that this doesn't necissarily have to be a once in a lifetime event, there is much world out there to discover, and this could only be the first itch to scratch.
Saiyonara.
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